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Supported Loving

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Domestic abuse

This page explains what domestic abuse can look like and
where people can get help.

On this page:

  • What domestic abuse is
  • Common challenges
  • How supporters can help
  • Useful organisations

What is domestic abuse?

The UK Government definition is: Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality. This can encompass, but is not limited to, the following types of abuse:

  • psychological
  • physical
  • sexual
  • financial
  • emotional.

 

Controlling behaviour is defined as: a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape, and regulating their everyday behaviour.

Coercive behaviour is defined as: an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation, or other abuse that is used to harm, punish or frighten their victim.

Disabled people experience disproportionately higher rates of domestic abuse compared to the general population. Around one in seven (14.3%) disabled people have experienced domestic abuse in the last 12 months, compared with about one in 20 (5.1%) non-disabled people. Disabled women (17.5%) were more than twice as likely to experience domestic abuse in the last year than non-disabled women (6.7%) and people with learning disabilities experience the highest rate of domestic abuse (19.1%) (Office for National Statistics, 2021).

Disabled people experience domestic abuse for longer periods of time, and more severe and frequent abuse. This may include more severe coercion and control, or abuse from carers (Public Health England, 2015).

The “Us Too” Team is a group of women with learning disabilities and autistic women who have experienced domestic abuse and/or sexual violence. They draw on their experiences to develop and deliver training to their peers and professionals, including domestic abuse services. A survey by the Us Too project carried out amongst girls and women with learning disabilities, autism or both found that:

  • 17% think it is ok if their partner assaults them, but then says sorry and buys them chocolates.
  • 18% think it is ok if their partner tells them what to do the whole time.
  • 31% have never heard of domestic abuse.
  • 100% did not know how to contact their local domestic abuse services.

What are the most common challenges faced by people in this area?

The Us Too team share their own life experiences and why they think having a learning disability, being autistic or both makes it more likely that domestic abuse could happen to you. They said:

“’We have had poor sex education.’ We had little or no sex and relationship education during formal education. One result is limited knowledge of relationship ‘rules’ and what is okay. Another is that we don’t have the words to explain what has happened to us.”

“’We are overprotected.’ We are often treated as children well into adulthood and were sheltered from opportunities to learn from experience and from ‘difficult’ subjects like sex and abuse. This can mean that we find it hard to form positive relationships and are more willing to tolerate bad ones.”

“We may not know how to report, and if we do, we are not listened to.”

“Our disclosures (verbal and non-verbal) can be thought of as part of our disability.” This was particularly true for women with more significant disabilities, whose disclosures may come in the form of what is interpreted as ‘challenging behaviour’ rather than communication about abuse and trauma.

“’We can be reliant on the perpetrators.’ Many of us were financially and practically dependent on our abusive partner.”

“’Our supporters have not been trained in domestic abuse.’ This can stop them recognising the signs that we are potentially being abused or what action to take.”

“‘We don’t get the help we need.’ None of the abuse we experienced resulted in criminal charges and domestic abuse services don’t meet our needs.”

“‘Abuse is ‘normal’ to us.’ Everyday abuse can be so common for us that we don’t bother mentioning it.”

“Many of us have learned compliance. Many of us have learned to do what is expected of us, and we become eager to please.”